Single Mother - An Invisible Parent

At last, there is at least one government agency that has recognised the mother as a parent of her children. Also, the agency has shown some sensitivity to single mothers, who may be unwed, divorced, widowed or separated.

It elated me to the hilt when I read a news story in today's newspaper, according to which the University Grants Commission (UGC) - a statutory body set up by the Indian government in 1956 to coordinate, regulate and maintain the standards of university education - has asked varsities and affiliated degree colleges to include 'mother's name' in all the testimonials of students - ranging from application forms to degrees and certificates.

As a single parent of my children for last twenty years, I never got this honour of being recognised as their parent. Despite the fact that I was bringing up my two children all alone, fending for them while working 10-12 hours a day, I was always devoid of this honour.

The honour went to the father who was not even aware of his children's whereabouts.

From junior schools to their colleges, every time I was filling up a form, I was forced to write the name of my children's father even though his contribution in parenting was nil. He was neither physically nor financially present in our lives.      

Many a times I raised my voice against this bias - I tried to explain that he is no more with us and it is me who is bringing up my children - physically, financially, emotionally, mentally and in all other possible ways.
Yet, I failed to convince the male chauvinists sitting behind the counters that I also can be the parent of my children, and my role can also extend and go beyond giving them birth. No one was ready to officially acknowledge the active role of a mother in parenting.

And he, who had no presence in his children's lives, his name continued to mock and stare at us from all documents. The children grew up with their father's name as their parent, who was permanently absent from their lives. I remained an invisible parent.

Gradually, as they grew they applied for passports and driving licences, and the same pattern continued - "Father's name".

I kept slogging and sacrificing and he carried on having the honour of being the parent of my children.

Now was the time when children also resented writing their father's name. The realisation was strong that there was no father but the mother was playing father and mother both. They also started arguing - "it is my mother who has brought us up and looks after us then why should we write the father's name"? However, their argument, obviously, fell on deaf ears.

Now, UGC has finally realised the embarrassment and frustration the single mothers like me must have gone through in their lives. Though the decision is late and too little as the same recognition is required at all the places, everywhere, in every form we fill up.