Sunday 30 May 2010

Life doesn't start at any age...

In 2007, when I turned forty five and longed for a steady relationship, people started telling me not to think about myself as my life is more or less finished. ``It's time you should concentrate on your children' lives'', this was the most common phrase I was advised.
I started wondering - ``Am I really on the verge of dying?'' ``Is my life really over now?'' Also, if I think about myself, does that mean I am not thinking about my children or I am neglecting them?''
I had no answers, yet I decided, ``No, I will live my life the way I want and will also look after the needs of my children.''
Next year, I happen to travel to England and here in a small village of Cornwall, I bumped into a group of grannies - all in their eighties, dresses to kill with manicured hands and styled hair. They were chatting and laughing while sipping their Devon Cream Tea at a restaurant. Awestruck, as I was, I left my tea and started staring at them. They finished their tea and each one paid one's share.
Suddenly, I realised that they were about to leave. I approached them and requested them for a photo. They happily agreed and posed. One of them with her frail and wrinkled hands grabbed me by my waist and asked the restaurant owner to click us together.
This was my first stint with the fact that life has nothing to do with numbers of age. Young or old is what our brain tells us.













I am again visiting England. This time, another small village - Shaldon (Devon). On a sunny afternoon I see a group of over twenty women (all above sixty) sitting next to the Bowling Green. Their laughter was the only sound that was echoing in the quiet surroundings.
I was curious to know more about them and unable to resist myself I went closer and found that it was the County Bowling Team having its tea brake. Reading shock on my face, one of them said, ``We too, need to move our joints, isn't it?'' I looking dumb nodded my head.
How can they understand what goes on in my head when I see these old women playing, laughing, dressing up, meeting friends and in short `living' their lives. They cannot fathom what goes in my head when I see that these old women have their lives beyond their homes, husbands and children. They laugh without feeling guilty. They paint their nails and get their hair styled without the fear of being given names. They look after themselves without being called selfish.

Back home what I have seen and what I have been preached is that women should not think about themselves. Once you have children, you should put your life on the back-burner and should think only about your children' lives- this is the most common rhetoric which most women are forced to listen to. It is sort of crime if a woman over forty dresses up glamorously and looks good. After having a really short hair style about a couple of years back, what I heard about myself shocked me. ``She has a daughter of marriageable age (my daughter was at that time only 21) and look at her she is trying to look like a teenager''.

Look at this woman in the picture. Isn't she looking pretty? Travelling in a bus she was dressed picture perfect. I gave her a careful glance to see if I can spot a guffaw to criticise her but I failed. She was simply perfect at seventy plus. Once settled in the bus she opened her bag and took out a plastic bag full of toffees. Leisurely she popped one in her mouth and at the same time she saw me staring at her. She gave me a girlie smile and softly said, ``Can't resist chocolates''.

Absolutely!!!

6 comments:

Unknown said...

so true alka....have tried to defy it all my life....love the way you have worded it..!! really good...and heartfelt....!

Anjali said...

I totally agree. its not what life teaches us but what we can teach people through our lives that makes all the difference. N age has nothing to do wih it. We role play so much in our lives that we forget that we don't have to follow a scripted scene to make our lives beautiful. Being you and being natural is what makes it a journey worth travelling. Enjoy ur holiday and a very happy belated b'day.

Alka Pande said...

My very dear Soma and dear friend Anjali, I love the appreciation. Who would understand it better what I am intending to convey than people like you two.
Thank God we have outgrown that time period and are actually `living' our lives.
love you...

Unknown said...

Keep it up... Hope to see a young friend in you when i am 70 :)

Inspiring..

Shirin Abbas said...

Nice one Alka. Happy belated b'day! Tried to call u several times but guess u had left for your vacation by then. I think Colin has done wonders for u!

Alka Pande said...

thanks shirin, i think you are right.....