my mother

My friend GS says that the topic of Euthanasia needs more debate. I totally agree with him.

Off late I am seeing my mother suffering. She had been a very independent, hard working and energetic woman throughout her life. While I was growing up I saw her as an `indispensable person' in any festival or function anywhere in my big family. A good cook and a beautiful manager she was in great demand and she subserviently was present everywhere taking over all burdens and freeing others of all responsibilities. No marriage was complete without her.

The best part was - which I think others admired the most - was that she was never seen or heard working - she was so quiet. May be that was the reason she was liked by everyone.

Even at home I don't remember doing any household chore as she let us be free to study and play, and grow as children. Her theory was : every girl has to manage her home one day or the other so let her feel like a princess till the time she is in her parents' home. And she was right in her thinking.

I also took the clue and never asked my daughter for any work and always treated her like a princess. Just like my mother attended to all my tantrums (being the youngest of the three I did have my time) and pampered us to no limit, I also try to pamper my children and make effort to attend to their tantrums, albeit I am not good at it.

But my mother maintained a balance and the result was that we were most close to her but at the same time most scared of her. Today I find her helpless, fragile, and in pain. She is dependent on others for all her needs.

I normally don't talk about my personal life on my blog thinking why should I bother others with my worries or waste their time in sharing my achievements. But the issue is not MY mother, it can be any one's mother, father or any one who is dearly loved.

Her condition and a simple comment by GS has forced me to transfer my thoughts on these pages.

It might sound cruel but sometimes when I look at my mother I want to put her to an eternal rest. Wouldn't Euthanasia be the best solution for her problems? Anyone who has lived with the pride not to ask anyone for anything (today that person has to ask everyone for everything), would like to die the same way. Why should we let her go through the mental trauma of depending on others along with her physical ailments.

If she had read the news of Suicide Clinic - or if I tell her about that - I am sure her last wish would be to visit Switzerland - not to see the alps but to die a dignified death.

I stand solidly for Euthanasia.

dying in suicide clinics

Couples in love - anywhere all across the globe swear to live and die together, for each other, but how many actually die with their partner... rarely any....!!

But here is this British couple Edward Downes and his wife Joan, after completing 54 years of partnership, recently ended their lives in an assisted Suicide Clinic in Zurich (Switzerland).

Sir Edward Downes - a celebrated Opera Conductor - was 85 and his wife Joan was 74. Sir Donwes - who was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II in 1991 - had become almost blind and also deaf. Wife Joan - who used to be a dancer, choreographer and television producer and assisted her partner in his work - was diagnosed Cancer, according to reports in British newspaper.

``They decided to end their lives together instead of cointinuing to struggle with serious health problems which become an integral part of old age'', said the Downes children.

This small news item printed in one obscure corner of a newspaper, caught my eye and forced me to think of Euthanasia, which had raked huge controvesies some time back. Of course, the news neither sizzled enough and was also not juicy enough to get the scribes salivating for it and therefore it did not find any place in any of the editorials. Majority of the newspapers even overlooked the news.

Nevertheless, it made me think all over again about this death by choice, which I feel is the most vital decision of life. It sounds paradoxical - but its true. Every Human being at some point of time or the other always thinks of his/her death. Some are scared of death and some want to fulfil their series of wishes before they die. But death is important and inevitable for every living being.

Just sit back and think, if there is illness we wish to die, if a loved one leaves the world, we pray that we too should die. If there is financial crisis we talk of ending our lives or if someone has humiliated and played with our dignity, we want to die.

The newspaper in India are full of reports where a woman has jumped off the train with her two children because she could not feed them, or a man poisoned his wife, children and himself as he could not work due to his illness, or some educated man shot himself because he could not pay back the loan he had taken from the bank or a girl jumps off the fourth floor of a shopping mall as her boyfriend had ruined her life, or a young boy or a girl has jumped into the river because he/she could not get marks desired by his/her parents.

There are hundreds of simple reasons with each person for which he/she wants to end his/her life - however ridiculous these reasons might appear to others. But there are not so simple means to end one's life. Jumping in front of the train or into the river, or jumping off the moving train are crude ways to commit suicide, which in my view do not give a dignified death to a human. In such environment, if we too have a dignified and peaceful way to end life, wouldn't it be good?

As far as judicious use of suicide clinics is concerned - every facility or law has two ways to it - it can be used or abused. It is duty of the law enforcers to ensure that it is not abused. The fear of abuse has made Euthanasia (a medical practice) see maxium number of protestors. This shows that since we fail to enforce law judiciously, and we see the chances of abuse and misuse of a particular law are high and for which strict enforcement is a pre-requisite - we surrender and start opposing it.

PS: Some interesting facts about Suicide Clinics run by group of Dignitas (Source:Wikipedia)

Dignitas was founded in 1998 by Ludwig Minelli, a Swiss lawyer. In one of her interviews in March 2008, she had stated that Dignitas assisted 840 people, of which 60 per cent were Germans.

As of October 2008, approximately 100 British citizens had travelled to Switzerland from the UK to die at one of Dignitas' rented apartments in Zurich.

EXIT is another Swiss organization providing assisted suicides. In 2008, it had 50,000 members. However, EXIT strictly denies suicide assistance for people from abroad

The BBC has produced a film titled `A Short Stay' in Switzerland. The flm tells the story of Dr Anne Turner, who made the journey to the Dignitas assisted suicide clinic, on 24 January 2006 she ended her life, the day before her 67th birthday. The film was shown on BBC1 on January 25, 2009.

virginity test ! what ?

Recently, in Madhya Pradesh, a few young girls had to go through the trauma of getting their virginity tested before their marriage. They were also tested for any probable pregnancy. This was done to girls whose marriage was fixed under a government scheme - Mukhya Mantri Kanya Daan Yojna (Chief Minister Girls' Marriage Scheme). In such schemes, carrying on in some states of India with an aim to help poor families, the government gives a certain amount of money to the girls' families to get them married and sometimes this money is given to the couple to set up their homes.

The news was obviously shocking, at least to me. I pinched myself to know which century I am living in. Is it 21st century? Is it the new millennium? In this age when we, instead of preaching single partner norm to the next generation, tell them about safe sex, the grooms are going for virginity tests of their prospective brides!!! It's shocking!!!!

The issue which bothered me and concerned me was not the virginity test but was more serious as to why the virginity test of only girls. Why not same procedure for boys? Who has ever questioned the virginity of a boy? If not, why raise a question on the virgnity of a girl?

There is an age-old theory goes behind this shameful practice; physically, it does not affect the boys if they have sex before marriage but it does leave an impact on a girl's physiology. Fine, accepted. But the question is; when a girl accepts a boy without knowing or raising doubts over his virginity who has given the right to anyone to question a girl's virginity? It is not only insulting but utterly humiliating for a girl to go through virginity test because some one else is curious to know if she had sex before her marriage.

Unfortuntaley, in India the practice goes on even in educated families - not so blatantly though.

My point of view is; in this era and in this society (I am talking of Indian society) where late marriage is a common phenomenon, homosexuality is getting acceptance, a large number of young boys and girls opt to remain single by choice and awareness regarding HIV/AIDS is increasing, we should not see sex as something out of this planet. It is a physical need and we should not assume that our young growing kids would abstain from it just because they are not married.

Youth is the age which is most curious to know all aspects of sex and wants to experience it the most. But this is also the age when most youngsters are either studying or pursuing their careers and they don't want to get entangled in familial responsibilities. So, should they forget about their biological needs? It is simply and practically not possible! They will explore this aspect of life whether the parents accept it or deny it, or remain oblivious to visible needs of their children.

Instead of feigning ignorance of this logical behaviour of our children, I think, each parent should grab this moment as an opportunity to educate his/her child about safe sex in context to diseases, infections, unwanted pregnancies and over all reproductive health.

Let's educate our children on how to safeguard themselves from getting infected with HIV or from contacting STDs. While doing this, we can also check the growing population of the nation by telling them to live like responsible citizens, instead of creating an unnecessary brouhaha over virginity of a girl.

it is basic courtesy, which lacks in us....

Now the government of India will educate people of this country about ``mobile phone etiquette''. Interesting! The country has largest number of mobile subscribers and sadly enough, majority of them have no clue if there are some etiquette to be followed in its use.

It is basic courtesy - like keeping the mobile on silent during meetings, or in a cinema hall or at a restaurant, or keeping the ring tone so low as not to disturb others - the same goes for voice while talking on phone - etc etc. As the number of mobile users grow - the government too, I suspect, started noticing the social hazards of cell phone and decided to teach people some common etiquette.

Soon, a person buying a mobile phone will be given a hand bill full of instructions - like - ``keep your mobile on silent or turn it off when in hospital or school as it might disturb the patients or the students'' or ``talk softly on mobile phone so that you do not annoy others with your personal conversation'', or during movies keep your phone silent so that others who have come to enjoy the movie do not get disturbed.

I welcome the move which is much needed for us Indians, who often care less for others' convenience.

I recall my two former colleagues who used to keep their mobile ring tones at the highest level. When they left their phones on their tables and that time if by chance someone called them up - the whole office used to be full of those annoying sounds. It was like a small orchestra band playing for some kitty party. Their phone rang in the meeting also drawing every one's attention to the sound. People joked about them, gave them advice and also showed displeasure - but neither these colleagues changed nor the volume of their mobile ring tones.

During my visit to England last year, I came to know that the British government along with smoking, had banned use of mobile phones at certain places like pubs, cafeteria, restaurant etc. Although in the western world I found people in comparison quite considerate - it is not only mobile but their etiquette was visible even on the road. No one flashed high beam at night, vehicles stopped and slowed down for cyclists, they gave way to pedestrians, also gave way to vehicles reversing or turning. Not only this, majority of the drivers waved their hands in a gesture of thanks when the other one gave them way.

It was such a pleasant sight unlike India where the driver of a SUV tweets behind a fragile rickshaw puller asking him to get away and let the bigger and more powerful vehicle pass. These big vehicle owners reflect an attitude as if the road belongs to only the powerful vehicles and the pedestrians or cyclists have no right to walk on the road. The drivers , I think, have no clue what the low beam switch is for in a car. Almost everyday I see a big car honking behind a cart full of 500 tonnes of iron rods, being dragged with difficulty by a frail old man. People generally do not know what road manners or road courtesy means.

Alas! to such men the government is planning to teach manners for the use of mobile phone.

I wish this education bring some sense onto them to use their phone with consideration to others' convenience, as expecting them to behave and be courteous on the road would be too much to ask.

Nonetheless, I feel that courtesy and consideration comes from within and cannot be taught. We inculcate these values in our children from the day they are born. Still, we can only hope that the handbill which the government will give to mobile users will imbibe some etiquette in people which they might replicate on the road as well. Amen!!

Hippocrates or Hypocrites

Over half a dozen people have died so far in last four days in Uttar Pradesh. It hardly makes any news in such a vast and populous state where hundreds die in road accidents or due to hunger or because of some disease and multiple of it are born at the same time. But what has made these deaths worth mentioning is the fact that these people lost their lives because of the apathy of the doctors.

The junior doctors of prominent government medical colleges in different cities, including Lucknow and Kanpur, have put down their stethoscopes and are demanding the government to increase their pay and other facilities.. All their demands are pertaining to money and pay. The patients have been left on the mercy of the Gods. The hospitals in this state are mostly run by the junior doctors and interns as there is dearth of senior doctors. Consequently, while these junior doctors are striking work the poor and needy are dying untimely deaths.

The most unfortunate thing is that it is not happening for the first time. The doctors of the state have adopted this as a routine tactic - just like a spoilt brat, every time they want something from the government, they resort to strike.

Everyone needs money - no doubts. But we do not start playing with lives of people as there are some ethics which we must follow as humans and more so as professionals.

This goes strongly in case of doctors who before starting their practice go through the age old Hippocratic oath -- ``I swear by Apollo............. If I keep this oath faithfully, may I enjoy my life and practice my art, respected by all men and in all times; but if I swerve from it or violate it, may the reverse be my lot."

Hippocrates was a Greek physician born in 460 BC to become to be known as the founder of medicine and was regarded as the greatest physician of his time. While teaching medicine, he developed an Oath of Medical Ethics for physicians to follow. This Oath is taken by physicians today as they begin their medical practice.

The oath was simplied in 1964 by Louis Lasagna, Academic Dean of the School of Medicine at Tufts University, which is now being used all across the globe by passing out doctors. A part of this oath reads --
``I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick. I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm. If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help''.

Over the years this oath has lost its meaning and its gravity. They are mere words for young graduates. The doctors of today are marching forward leaving the values of Hippocrates behind to adopt the values of 21st century and becoming Hypocrites.

Isn't it the time for them to introspect. It is their right to demand and hold protests - but at what cost? Certainly not at the cost of the patients!

Evolve other ways to show your anger and put forward your demands. But in no case you should put down your stethoscope and deny your services to those who depend on you, whose lives depend on you. Think about their economic crisis, think about their children or parents, think about those families, which consider you not next to God but God !!!

what's wrong with those wearing khaki in India?

THE police in Lucknow - the capital of the most populous Indian state of Uttar Pradesh, which is claimed highly for its tameez and tehzeeb (super-refined etiquettes and culture) - torturs a woman and tries to molest her two teenaged daughters. There was no provocation and no complaint by the woman to have forced the cop to come to her house.

Over thousand miles away from Lucknow, the police in Lonavala town - close to the economic capital of India Mumbai - arrests over two dozen youths - who were celebrating the birthday party of one of their friends. No provocation again! There was no scuffle, no drunken brawl, no rape and no murder.

Both the incidences are strange. In the first one, this policeman simply walks into a house where this woman is alone with her two young daughters. He thrashes the woman, crushes her feet with his boots to the extent that she passes out. Then he tries to molest the teenagers who after much struggle lock themselves in a room to save themselves from this beast in khaki uniform. Not yet satisfied, the policeman flashes a stick at the woman in full public view, threatening her of dire consequences, when she after regaining concsiousness tries to fight back, and walks away.

In the other incident in Lonavala where a few youngsters were having a party with music and drinks, which is a normal activity in any civilised society, the police barges in and arrests over 27 boys and girls - all from good families. These youngsters are locked up at the police station along with hard core criminals. The police justification for the arrest is; the boys and girls were doing obscene activities and were having alcohol without licence.

In India drinks parties are common and no one requires a licence to serve liquor unless it is for commercial reasons. There are alcohol shops - selling both country made and exported liquor - at every nook and corner of each city, and there is no prohibition in force, barring a few states like Gujarat.

Now, the question arises as to what compels these policemen to behave in this derogatory manner with people - especially who are educated and who come from good social and economic backgrounds? Why the police is so rude to people - the tax payers - whose hard earned money goes towards the salaries of the whole force.

In Uttar Pradesh it is common to see lower level cops using insulting demeanor when they stop the traffic to clear the way for the entourage of the VVIPs (Very Very Important Persons). It is always a rude ``hep, hep, ruk ruk'' (hey you, stop, stop) or something more humiliating, which is difficult to be literally translated into queen's language.

One might wonder - if it is pressure, why the cops in the west are polite? They too have the pressure of ensuring security of their VVIPs, they too are supposed to maintain law and order. Then how they manage to be so calm and respectful towards the public and use words like ``please'', or address people with respectul prefixes like ``M'am'' or ``Sir'', even if they find the person violating the law.

Do the Indian policemen lack in etiquette training or they take out their frustration on public! The senior bosses of the police department seriously need to probe this issue and take it to a logical conclusion. They need to teach the lower rank officers to respect every citizen - if they want respect in return.

Another more grave issue, which emerges from these two recent situations - is whether the police force is there to check these petty matters and harass the comon public or they supposed to play a bigger role in the society maintain law and order and check big crimes, like murders, rapes, thefts, burgalaries etc. ``Five minors were raped in the state in 24 hours'' - this was a newspaper headline today. News like this put the whole country to shame.

In India it has become a general perception that ``a man can get away even with murder if he has the right connections or right money to grease the palm of law makers as well as its enforcers''.

Isn't it a time to change the perception of people? Isn't it a time to teach values like compassion, empathy and politeness to people in Khaki uniforms? Isn't already late enough to tell the cops to respect the public and also earn some respect for themselves?

Isn't it the need of the hour to chase the bigger fish of the criminal world - the Abu Salems, the Kasabs, the Mukhtar Ansaris or the Gaolis - Arun Gaoli and punish them for their deeds. This will not only set examples for other hard core criminals it would also earn some dignity to the men in Khaki as well.